The role of parents in the Islamic training of their children

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Children are the architects of the nation in the future. If they are properly trained, it means that the right foundation has been laid for a good and strong society. Good training of children creates an ideal society. Because only a good plant can become a strong tree in the future.

neurological research shows that that the early years play a key role in children’s brain development. On the other hand, if they are not properly trained, they will not be expected to do much good after puberty, Who did not guide them from the beginning. Good and religious training of children is the cause of good name for parents in this world and the cause of success in the Hereafter. While disobedient and untrained children will be a disaster for parents in this world as well as in the Hereafter.

The word “training” is a word with a broad meaning, it includes the training of individuals, the training of families, the training of society, then these categories include many sub-categories. The main purpose and purpose of all these types of training is to establish a good, pure, moral, and virtuous society. Child-rearing is also one of them.

In simple words, “training” can be defined as “Training” to change bad manners and the bad environment from good manners and habits and a virtuous, pure environment. “

Two types of training

There are two types of training: (1) external training, (2) internal training.

In outward training, regardless of the appearance of the child, dress, food, drink, sitting and leaving, socializing, keeping an eye on his friends and relatives and hobbies, knowledge of his educational data and their source of livelihood after puberty. All these matters are included in the outward training of the children. And the inward training means the correction of their beliefs and morals.

It is the duty of the parents to train their children both outwardly and inwardly. In the heart of a parent there is a natural feeling and feeling of immense mercy and compassion for their children. It is the parental instincts and feelings that motivate children to care for, train and provide for their needs. And they can fulfill their responsibilities in the best possible way with sincerity.

The Qur’an and the Ahadith of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) contain clear instructions regarding the training of children. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيْكُمْ نَارًا وَّقُوْدُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ ․ (Al-Tahrim: 4)

Translation: “Protect yourself and your children from the fire whose fuel is man and stone.”

Hazrat Ali (RA) in his commentary on this verse said:

“علموھم وأدِّبوھم”

Translation: “Educate them (your children) and teach them literature.”

The jurists have written that it is the duty of every person to teach his wife and children the duties of Shari’ah and the rules of halal and haraam and to strive for their observance.

The importance of training children is also indicated by these hadiths. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

-“مَانَحَلَ والٌدٌ ضفضلَ مِنْ أدبٍ حسنٍ” (Bukhari, Volume 1, Page 3)

Translation: “No father can give a better gift to his children than to teach them good manners.”

That is, training well and teaching good manners is the best gift for children.

2- “On the authority of Ibn Abbas, they said: O Messenger of Allah! Do we know what is the right of the father and the right of the father? قال: ین یحسن اسمہ ویحسن أدبہ “ (Sunan Bayhaqi)

Translation: It is narrated from Hazrat Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him). The Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) said: O Messenger of Allah! We have come to know the rights of the parents. What are the rights of the children?

2- “It is a great sin for a person to waste those who are responsible for them and not to train them.”

It is also a waste to leave children in such a way that they go astray, deviate from the right path, their beliefs and morals are ruined. Also, in the eyes of Islam, ignorance is not an excuse. Yes, neglecting it will not save you from the Day of Judgment.

Hazrat Abdullah bin Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) said:

Teach your children literature. On the Day of Resurrection, you will be asked about your children. What kind of literature did you teach them? And what knowledge did he teach? ”

Encouraging children

A child is like soft wet clay, the way we treat it will shape it. If a child does a good deed, he should not hesitate to praise him to encourage him. But he should be given a compliment and a gift etc. which will make the child happy and will continue to create a passion and passion for good deeds in his heart.

Wise way to warn children about mistakes

Repeatedly and constantly reprimanding children for doing something wrong protects them from the wrong things in their nature, which, if left unchecked, will no doubt be the perfect way to get rid of bad thoughts in boys and girls. They will have to be uprooted. It is not surprising that a child makes a mistake, mistakes are made even by adults. The environment affects the children, it is possible that the child made a mistake due to the wrong environment, so the situation should also be considered why the child made a mistake? Explain it from that point of viewA. The path of moderation and moderation should be taken in training. The educator should be aware of whether the advice is effective for the child at this time or the punishment. So where there is a need for hardness and gentleness, the same should be done. Too much hardness and too much softness can sometimes lead to deterioration.

Training should be gradual; Therefore, the order of warning for a mistake should be as follows: That is, when a mistake is made, the children should be trained with wisdom. If it is a mistake for the first time, it should be explained first with gestures and allusions. It is not necessary to mention the evil. Even if the child makes the same mistake over and over again, make it a point in his heart that if he does it again, he will be treated harshly. Even then, there is no need for reprimand.

An incident of training and reforming children with love and affection is narrated from Umar ibn Abi Salamah, who says that as a child I was under the tutelage and care of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). Seeing this, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me: ”یا غلامُ سَمِّ اللّٰہ! وکل بیمینک وکل ممایلیک“ ․․․ “Oh” O boy! In the name of God, start eating and eat with your right hand and eat from your side. ”

If the child makes a mistake even after giving advice and comfort, he should be reprimanded in solitude and told to do evil and not to do it again. However, if they do not stop, a little beating can be done. These methods of training are for adolescents, but the methods of training after puberty are different. And it is proved by the deeds of many Companions. There was a relative of Hazrat Abdullah bin Mughal who was not yet an adult. He threw pebbles. Hazrat Abdullah forbade him and said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade throwing pebbles and said: No animal can be hunted by it. He threw pebbles again. He said angrily, “I am telling you that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) forbade it, and you are doing it again.” I will not talk to you at all. Similarly, Hazrat Abdullah bin Umar had severed ties with his son on one occasion and did not speak to him till his death.

Limits on scolding and beating children

Not only is it permissible for parents or teachers to beat their children lightly, but sometimes it becomes necessary. In this case, one should not fall prey to extremism.  In the first case there is excess and in the second there is deviation. The path of moderation is that which the Holy Prophet (sws) stated in a hadith: “Command your children to pray. When they are seven years old and beat them for not praying When they are ten years old. (Mushkoot) 

Care should also be taken not to kill to the extent that it marks the body. Also, don’t be killed when you are angry. Instead, when the anger cools down, then kill it by showing artificial anger, because there is a danger of overstepping the mark in physical anger, and artificial anger does not have this danger, the goal is achieved and there is no transgression. ۔

It is a sin to give preference to boys over girls

Children are a precious blessing and gift of God Almighty, whether they are a boy or a girl. Parents who discriminate against girls over boys are suffering from the old evil of ignorance, such thinking and action has nothing to do with religion; On the contrary, from the religious point of view, strict promises have been made on it. The one who considers a girl inferior is in fact unhappy with the decision of Allah Almighty which He has given him as a girl. This is in fact an outdated and ugly thought of the age of ignorance, to which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) repeatedly advised parents and trainers to treat girls well and take care of their needs.

Equality and justice between children

There is a hadith of Hazrat Nu’man bin Bashir in Abu Dawud Sharif:

The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said:

Translation: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Equate your children, be equal to your children, be equal to your children.

This means that all children should be treated equally in terms of physical distribution; because if there is no equality then children are heartbroken. Yes! If there is a natural love for a child, then there is no grip on it; provided it is outwardly equal. The hadeeth emphasizes equality three times, which indicates that it is obligatory, that is, it is obligatory to have equality among the children, and not to be equal would be considered oppression. This means that all children should be treated equally in terms of physical distribution; because if there is no equality then children are heartbroken. Yes! If there is a natural love for a child, then there is no grip on it; provided it is outwardly equal. The hadeeth emphasizes equality three times, which indicates that it is obligatory, that is, it is obligatory to have equality among the children, and not to be equal would be considered injustice.Failure to do so can lead to feelings of inferiority and rebellious thinking in the offspring, which can lead to dire consequences. May Allah Almighty help all Muslim parents to fulfill their responsibilities towards their children in the best possible way. Amen!

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